Weekly 2
This week was a good one. Not in that it all went well, but in that I felt a lot more attentive to what was coming up for me emotionally. Some stuff came up, I didn't know how to process it, I stewed for a bit, and then processed it with Becca. Was a good cycle, as a good representation of what I am aiming to improve long-term.
During that stewing time, a lot of my goals here were not met, as I was in full coping territory. Not gonna be too hard on myself here, I'm just a fleshy blob with emotions. But the more I go through this, the more it will become second-nature. Gotta balance dogma with compassion and practicality.
Exercise
Missed one day this week, but otherwise met my goal. I could do with at least a couple days a week of strenuous exercise. I haven't exhausted myself in a bit, and that's when I tend to feel best. I've been exercising regularly though, and that's the most important thing right now.
Meditate
Still not up to where I want it, but improving. I sat twice this week, aiming for once a day. Room for improvement, but better than last week.
Journal
I journaled almost every day and it helps me a lot. Especially without an explicit goal besides seeing what my brain wants to process. The self-reflection I did was a lot of what helped me break through my rut, despite the discomfort. But that discomfort is exactly the point and why I'm doing this stuff in the first place.
Use screens mindfully
This I was least successful at this week. Pseudo-mindlessly watching videos on Youtube is one of my coping mechanisms, as a form of extreme hypoarousal. (Of course, not ideal, but I'm not aiming for the biggest guns right now.) When I am more regulated, this tends to go away and I get more active. I saw that change happen this time.
Face difficult emotions / act instead of analyze
I was focusing on these this week, as you could guess. I noticed a lot of perfectionism creeping in, that I needed to do everything perfect **or else**. At a certain point, I saw an opening in my hypoarousal to act and took it, taking the first steps towards processing what was going on. This immediately lifted the depressive feelings and left me feeling much better.
After processing the difficult emotions more, it wasn't easier to bear them. But I converted them from what was raw frustration, confusion, sadness, etc. into something I could use, being action steps and empathy. All around good.
Expand comfort zone
Outside of the above, not a whole lot I did with this. I realize now I didn't write about this last week, so didn't think about it at that time at least.
What I need though is at least one thing every day that pushes this in some way. This ties with the difficult emotions goal, as they often block me from doing uncomfortable things. But doing uncomfortable things that aren't so high-stakes would be good for building confidence in those other moments.
One action step for this week is to make a list of these things that I can do. For instance, sharing what I have been working on, what excites me, what I want to do, etc., with others. To be fair to myself, this post is in itself expanding my comfort zone, so good on you.
Work on the house
Did not do much past the early part of the week, but the early part of the week was very fruitful. We are ready to get the drywall, insulation, and moisture barrier for the ceiling at this point. Unfortunately, this week was all sub-zero (C) temperatures with icy rain and snow, so no deliveries nor work this weekend. Still plenty to do, of course, and will be back on it on Monday.
Help my community
Didn't get out into the physical community as much as I had hoped due to the weather, but I did have a couple of wins.
I signed up to volunteer later this month at the Shadow Project. They are a local non-profit, focusing on helping kids achieve their education goals. I've done this a few times and love it.
I recently became maintainer of Lichen, a super lightweight CMS made by a fellow Merveilles townie. This is a small community for sure, but a fun one that intersects with what I love.
My goal with Lichen is to make it as accessible as I can so that I could recommend this software to anybody. It is currently great, and a buddy is already using it for his website. Improving the accessibility and a few other small bugs would make this super powerful.
Next week, assuming the weather isn't still icy, I do want to get out to Food Not Bombs PDX at least. I've been curious for quite some time and it is an exciting movement of direct action that I can get behind.
Put time into lockpicking
This was another casualty of my coping, but I got back on it later in the week. I ordered some more Master Lock 3's to practice with this week. I currently only have one and having more is good so I don't get used to one, as per the advice from LockpickingLawyer.